Even though it’s been years since I left retail, I still feel all the things I used to feel when Christmas rolls around.

I know that I’ve made it clear that I’ve served my time in retail, but if I’m honest, part of me misses it. Even though I don’t have to hustle and work from open to close every day, my body still feels like it has to, and I feel a little lost.

I’ll even admit that this year I feel a little bit like I’m slacking. As a manufacturer’s rep, my job is pretty much done for the month, indeed the year: product is shipping, my dealers’ stores are stocked, and there’s not a whole lot left for me to do. Certainly none of my dealer principals have time for me to visit; they’re all too busy hustling and working around the clock the way I used to. At this point in December, I’m basically just working via phone and email now.

So in the absence of having to work retail hours, I’ll regale you with tales of some of the strange behavior I witnessed during the Holidays in my time working in retail AV.

Once, a lady came in and told me she wanted to pay off and pick up the stereo she had on layaway. I get her information, and go into the back room.

Her stereo wasn’t there.

I double checked all the paperwork in the hold section. It wasn’t there. I took a deep breath, steeled myself for the rage that I expected to face from this woman for ruining her Christmas, and went back out there.

“Ma’am, I’m really sorry, but I can’t find your stereo.”

“Oh.” She replied “I had it put on hold at West Edmonton Mall, but I came here because I was passing by.”

I looked at her blankly.

“You mean you don’t put one on hold at all your locations?” she asked innocently.

Not all the Holiday weirdness in retail comes from the customers either. At one job, I was the sales manager for the commission sales floor in a large Department Store. Prior to the start of the Christmas season the management teams from all the stores in the district were assembled into a hotel conference room for a pre-game sales meeting. The purpose of the meeting was to present to each of the other stores our strategies and action plans for maximizing sales in the coming weeks.

One store management team (not mine) totally misunderstood the assignment: they thought it was a motivational pep rally. Instead of coming in with PowerPoint and an action plan to share they decided “Hey! Let’s put on a
show!”

After two or three other stores had given their sales presentations, replete with facts and figures, these guys brought out a portable boom box and proceeded to deliver a piercingly off-key version of KC and the Sunshine Band’s Celebrate, with the impromptu lyrics “Celebrate Good Sales, COME ON!”

It was one of the most embarrassing things I’ve ever seen. Ten years prior to the invention of the “Facepalm” meme on the Internet and a whole room full of people were facepalming.

I’ve got more, and I’ll share them later this week. Does anybody else have any stories they want to share?