Do You Live in a Gym?

Why is is that every time I go to the gym – no matter what time of day or what day of the week – there are a few people who are ALWAYS there working out?

And, no, they don’t work there – I checked.

What do these people do?  What sort of jobs do they have?

I must admit, they are amazingly fit.  Their bodies look like they need to be on TV or in the movies (neck down, at least).  One guy – I’ll call him wet hair – literally ALWAYS has wet hair.  Always.  Sure, there’s a pool at my gym, but I know for a fact he ain’t swimming in there every day.  Why is his hair always wet?  I am starting to wonder if it’s some sort of gel that doesn’t stay in place but does, in fact, give you the wet look.  But, I live in North Carolina, for God’s sake, the wet-look is NOT in here – especially in the summer (unless you’re outside in August then every part of your body is wet) – but this is INSIDE!

Then there’s Muscles.  I think you get the picture – ah, but you don’t!  Muscles is a girl!  Yes, she looks like she could just beat the crap out of anyone.  No one dares talk to her – except Bigger Muscles (I think they are dating – but more on him later).  Muscles can lift WAY MORE than I can.  She can “run” on the elliptical longer than I have ever seen anyone.  I realize that running on an elliptical is not the same thing as actually running (Pony Tail Runner told me that – more on her later), but it’s still impressive.  And, she doesn’t even have to flex her muscles to see them.  They are always there – always.  Geez.

Big Muscles:  What can I say.  He literally works out all the time.  He is a specimen.  He looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger with a tanned body, in blonde hair.  He lifts, lifts and lifts. And, he never needs a spotter.  I think I know his secret.  He has some sort of GNC labeled concoction that he keeps on the table near the locker room entrance (it’s like bigger than a gallon of milk) and I’ve seen him drink the entire thing while I was there for my lowly 1-hour workout.  It looks like chalk, but I am quite sure it’s his magical formula.  Oh, did I mention that he looks like he’s greased up all the time.  He literally sparkles as he walks around – sounds like I am jealous, doesn’t it.  But, I’m not.  I am proud to have to flex and hold my breathe to show my muscles…

OK, back to Pony Tail.  She literally runs on the treadmill for two hours straight.  I’m not sure why, she has NO body fat at all.  I am surprised she can even wear draw-string shorts – what does she tie them to?  Her hair’s always in a pony tail bouncing up and down.  I’ve seen Big Muscles talk to her a time or two, but one glance from Muscles pulls him away.  I’ve been told that Pony Tail Runner is a marathoner and that she’s got to run a long time to train for one of those.  I thought about doing a Marathon.  My trainer told me I would need to learn to throw up on the run to do one – I decided to stick with swimming.

Finally, there’s Talk-a-lot.  Talk-a-lot doesn’t actually do anything, that’s I’ve noticed, but talk.  She moves from person to person – she literally knows everyone who works out there AND everyone who works there – and talks.  Sometimes I remove my iPod headphones to see if she’s talking about me – so far, nope.  I am not sure if that’s good or bad though.  I wonder if she texts on a cell phone while driving?

It just dawned on me; I wonder if these people have a nick name for me and wonder why I am always at the gym at the same time they are there?!?!?