This Week In Worst Pitches

weatherflow_windmeter-5

To say that I get a lot of product pitches in my Inbox is, if anything, a grave understatement.

I get hundreds of them a week.

Most of them end up getting deleted without a second glance.

The rare one, perhaps once ever few thousand gets a second glance, then a third, and gets as far as being discussed with my colleagues.

Even more occasionally, I’ll get a product pitch that makes me laugh out loud.

Here’s two that caught my eye this week, and not necessarily in a good way.

Here are the highlights from the email I received about the Weatherflow Wind Meter:

weatherflow_windmeter-3

WeatherFlow Wind Meter now EU Compatible

Retailers & Distributors!

Wind Meter is an anemometer that works with iOS & Android devices.

WE ARE LOOKING FOR: Retailers & Distributors to join our growing network of worldwide partners. By joining our team you will enjoy the support of a company with over two decades of experience in the private weather industry.

Take a few minutes to fill out a dealer application now!

HOW DOES IT WORK? Download one of our free apps for iOS or Android and plug in your wind meter. Then hold it up high facing into the wind. Your phone does the rest by recording the wind speed (average and gust), wind direction, and location.

Where this pitch failed was in assuming that I already knew what they were talking about. I had to actually visit their website to get this:

The Wind Meter, although not a scientific instrument, is designed to be better than any other handheld anemometer on the market. It’s operating range extends from the smallest puff (2 mph) to well over hurricane force winds (125 mph). Calibrated at the University of Florida’s Aerospace Engineering Department, our Wind Meter is accurate to the larger of +/- 0.5% of the reading or 0.2 mph at up to 15° off-axis. That means even if you don’t hold it directly into the wind, you’ll still get very accurate wind speed information.

Not only do we have one of the most accurate and coolest handheld wind meters on the market, at $34.95 it’s also one the most affordable.  So what are you waiting for? Get one now!

Personally, I’d be more interested if there was a model that mounted on a hat.

Digital StillCamera

I feel a little guilty mocking this product, because clearly it has a very specific niche market. See this earnest video review done by a windsurfing company:

So clearly it meets a need, just not one that I see a lot of demand for from my customers.

And then I received an email pitch for a product called iLoop. Here’s what they had to say for themselves:

iloop-iphone-holder4

Dear Sir or Madam,

The reason I am writing to you is to introduce our latest award winning design product – the iLoop Phone Holder.  From the beginning of the New Year, iLoop also comes in a completely new range of 5 amazing NEON colors that also glow in the dark.

We are expanding our partners network and are looking for a reliable partner in your specific area.

If this is not the right address, we would appreciate if you could forward us a contact of the person more appropriate for the discussion of this topic.

Below I prepared you a short overview of our product to give you an idea of what iLoop actually is.

1. About iLoop

What is iLoop?

iLoop is an elegant, minimalistic and multifunctional mobile phone holder made of 100% recyclable silicone and it does come with a twist. Without compromising its primary function of being a phone holder, it can also be used as an effective hand grip for strengthening your finger, palm and arm muscles and relieving stress while having a conversation on the phone. It is also appropriate for travel.

Most of all it makes you smile. iLoop is fun for everyone, it’s safe to use and it protects health. It enables limitless options of usage and combining multiple iLoops together brings all new fun activities – from watching movies to playing games.

1. Mobile phone holder

2. Hand grip exerciser & stress reducer

3. Amazing business/corporate gift and merchandise product

It was the second part that caught my attention: “hand grip exerciser & stress reducer. I’ve seen those before:

1281510795072_hz-myalibaba-temp12_2856

 

mwVJOZOVX-W0LXsOwPDD7rg

So really, they’ve taken a rubber donut, the kind that you can buy by the container load from China for peanuts and badged as a premium iPhone accessory.

That’s audacious.