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Making Small Talk

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An interesting study crossed my newsfeed this week, and engendered some interesting discussion amongst my peers and I.

From the Academy of Management website:

“Men who engage in small talk before getting down to negotiations — compared with those who launch right into it — not only make a much more favorable impression, but also get better results, according to research to be presented during this week’s annual meeting of the Academy of Management.”

http://aom.org/News/AOM-in-the-News/Small-Talk-Pays-Off-for-Male-Negotiators.aspx

I know this and practice it. I’d go so far as to say that it’s second nature, and it’s served me well.

I’ve also observed it in dealing with others, as well as observed the absence of it.

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I’ve done business with a lot of wealthy people and it’s been my experience that the really rich ones (as in, like Dorothy Parker said in the 1920s “If you know how many millions you have you’re not really a millionaire”) were the nicest, most normal, ordinary people.

Normal and ordinary aside from having seven houses, expensive cars, and an island getaway. The point was they ACTED normal and demonstrated excellent manners.

Interestingly, those same clients all demonstrated the gift for small talk; asking me questions about my family, and answering same.

By engaging in small talk, we built bonds, and forged business relationships that often lasted for years.

The least easy to do business with were, almost exclusively, the ones who had, literally, a million or two million, but wanted the whole world to believe it was much, much more.

Looking back, those are the ones who put on airs, and threw temper tantrums and displayed terrible manners. Those were the ones who expected to be catered to, to be babysat, and above all, given a discount.

Additionally, those clients were also the ones who always “got down to business” without any chitchat: they deflected attempts to do so, and certainly didn’t initiate any chitchat.

Almost predictably, or business seldom went beyond a single transaction.

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